Background music for this entry:
(Saisuta Night Desk BGM)
Yeah!! I'm cheating and posting this in the 2025 section because i wanted to write today but the thought of creating the 2024 section for ONE entry really bothered (read: pissed) me!!
As of writing, I have not actually done most of the things I wanted to do (mostly yearly recap + agence advent tour talk and adding art i missed from 2024 here) but I'll surely be making another entry about all of those.
Let's just recap the year lightly while we (I, mostly) wait for that.
This year, I participated in a bunch of community projects which made me improve so much, and got me to a point where what I do satisfies me "enough". What I mean by that, is that if you read my 2023 entries; I doubted myself constantly. I was aware I didn't actually suck, but it did manage to reach my feelings BADLY. In 2024, I did not write any diary entries on the website, but I had started journaling a bit. (before realizing I hated writing on paper LMAO. so that ended quickly, but I still go and write things here and there whenever I remember it exists.)
I mostly started it because I was feeling SUPER bad, especially about the SideM 10th anni fanzine. (note, for stupid and selfish reasons. the organizers and the project itself had NOTHING to do with it.) I'll make an entry talking about ALL the fanzines/community projects I worked on in 2024, will still label it as 2025 IDC...
Oh, actually, I watched Inside Out 2 and it made me realize that the current emotion that's fueling me the most is definitely Anxiety! And in a bad/good way?!
As I'm leaving art school in the third year instead of the fifth like others are, I'm so freaked out about being jobless LMAO. especially currently, with the current state of the industry.
(it's leading me to very much annoy people with constantly trying to top them and becoming top of the class solely out of... desperation for being recognized in any way, trying to be assured that i won't actually fail once I go out. But that doesn't matter at all. Atleast, i'm still having fun creating things... that's what matters the most.)
I don't have many contacts within the gaming industry, mostly because I don't attend any events or anything...
(to be FAIR to myself, i've attended a lot of events these past months! I just, didn't have the courage to ask John Corcoran for an autograph or anything.........................im lame but im myself! it's another thing that matters a lot! (still lame))
I'm a bit weird when it comes to socializing with COMPLETE strangers, especially in a "professional" setting. Listen; I'm not pro at all and I hate that whole ambiance. It's literally in the first paragraph you read upon opening this website!
What I mean by that is just that everything feels fake...! It feels like everyone's just trying to seem like the "bigger" person constantly. "What do you have that other candidates don't?" i don't fucking know!!!!!!!!!! im just an insane little dude that does whatever is asked!!!!!!!!!! hire me!!!!!!!!
is that a selling point? "i'm litterally the closest thing to a dog. give me instructions and tell me on a scale of 1 to 10 how CRAZY i can get and i'll. Do It"
btw. if you have a job offer for me. i will literally learn ANYTHING for u. hire me for ANYTHING. i'll LEARN
Oh, by the way...! I might overshare less than before about my life. Sure, I have some projects that will require me to talk about things, but you won't know I first confessed in 2024. and yes, I am still single. The magical solution of gaining self-confidence isn't always love.
(January 1 EDIT: i did just explain that in another log)
(also i have not exercised that much in 2024 LMAO... SORRY...)