back to may 2023 entries

03:08 Am - May 2nd 2023

I find it crazy that Saisuta released right when I started working, and that it stops right before my year anniversary of leaving that company hits.

If I have to give a bit of context as to why this matters a ton, it's because I felt really bad at that job. I felt like this was not the place for me. I wanted to create things that made other smile, just like SideM did!

So no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that this job wasn't bad, I was never able to find an answer that satisfied me.

When I started in September 2021, I was really ok with the job! I was learning everyday, and that's the fun part of a new job. Stressful, but... fine.

But in October 2021, I already voiced concerns to my boss that i didn't feel right, and like art school might've been a better choice. He replies with a "Well, you're stuck with us for 2 years now." Which, made me feel horrible, if I have to be honest...

Even after talking about it to my parents, they told me I had to keep going, "or else". so. already felt like I was stuck.

Then, when I was feeling really bad, Saisuta was about to release and it captivated me! During the first weeks, I was constantly playing it!

Toying around with the code, wondering about making an English Translation mod... but the problem is that, Saisuta itself didn't hook me at all.

I'll make an indepth article later to explain my thoughts about Saisuta entirely, as I feel like right now I might just ramble for too long. Oh, it's 3:15am!!

Screenshot of the windows clock showing 3:15am, May 2nd 2023.

I guess I've been thinking a lot about why this all could be happening, but even if I have my own theories that can be believable, not knowing what the future entails is horrible...

I want SideM to make me as happy as I used to be in 2019 when I first joined~