back to september 2023 entries

21:02 + Exercising Log - 5pm

Quite a harder session! I made it harder because it felt like it was becoming too easy. It's not overly painful, so I'm sure I could go even harder... I don't really want to, though! Maybe once it becomes too easy again.

Mixing it up with a diary entry, because I have a lot to say. Ever since I began doing this workout routine, I've noticed that I was finally achieving a level of self-confidence I never had before.

Due to various reasons, I used to avoid looking at myself in the mirror at all. If someone showed me a picture of myself I kinda, got reminded who I was and it made me feel super bad again.

It's like that one video of Miranda Sings I believe, where she stops looking at herself for a full week and then cries looking at herself again, as all the insecurities come back.

The one insecurity I have is about my body, and I guess... It's crazy how starting to work out has made me just, stop so many things. I stopped eating chips, I stopped drinking soda as much as I used to, and I noticed that solely because the week ended, and there was soda left in the fridge. Insane.

Basically, I didn't want to look at my body, and this has been going for years, actually! Ever since I started working, I was like, "man, I wish I could be a bit bigger, atleast." Probably due to being exposed to such imagery for a very long time.

But I didn't feel like I couldn't ever achieve it, I just needed to start. Like I said before, I'm not sure what clicked, but, I'm very certain the Fit Boxing 2 SideM DLC pushed me towards that... New thing I have to thank SideM for.

I guess, even if SideM's current state is not that great, It's still here to help me...I know FRAME would be very proud of me!!!

Reason why I felt like exercising wasn't out of the question at all, is because I've been dancing for years now, even before joining sideM. Ever since I was...14, probably? In my room, alone, with songs I love! feels so good.

And just, seeing my body get a few curves makes me so happy~ one day I'll showcase my workout with pictures, I promise!

Well. I don't, promise, actually. But I know that people enjoy that.

Actually... I hesitated to stream my workouts but... I think it'd be too much pressure. I don't need people online to see me and either judge my body or the way I do the moves!!!

Although, haha; um; I have to say that once I get the body I want maybe I would? yknow? like YourFriendKevin! that dude's a MASSIVE inspiration!

Ah! Also! I forgot to update the logs before, but know that I did not forget to work out!!!

I was just working a lot on a PV for a cover i'm making with a friend :) fighting and learning After Effects.

I swear to god I will NEVER use 2D Layers the way I did rn!!! my god

Sorry friends on discord I'm actively not socializing with.......